


Everything.

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M, Marco and Jean are oblivious nerds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:32:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5153801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean and Marco are just two dumb teenagers in love, and seem to be the only ones who don't notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reflections

Marco can sometimes see his reflection in Jean’s eyes. Not that it’s something he actively seeks out, but when he’s with Jean it’s like he’s in a different world entirely, a world where it’s only him. Jean is so interesting himself that Marco often feels like he’s only watching his friend from the sidelines or on the other side of a television screen, only observing Jean’s life. But when it’s just the two of them, Marco sees his reflection in Jean’s eyes, and he’s reminded that he’s in Jean’s world too. He often wonders if Jean feels the same about him, but he’ll never know the extent to which their feelings resemble each other. Except that in Jean’s perspective, Marco is the world. Marco is his everything.


	2. Details

Jean's favorite thing to do is watch Marco.  
Not in a creepy way, but he finds that he discovers more about his friend by just looking at him. Like when they're eating lunch and Marco peels the skin off his blueberries before eating them purely out of habit. Or how he scrunches up his nose when drinking coffee. Or when he licks the icing off of his Oreo before eating the cookie.  
Maybe it's these details that made Jean fall in love.  
Whenever Marco catches him staring he just smiles and blushes a little. The corner of his eyes crinkle when he smiles, Jean notes. He also takes into account the subtle dimples on his cheeks.   
Sometimes when they're talking, he closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Marco's voice. It doesn't crack anymore like it used to when they were kids. Now it's deeper, more mature. He likes it this way. Sometimes he would even go as far as to consider it sexy.  
He loves everything about Marco.  
Even if Marco doesn't seem to love him.


	3. Eren

Eren usually gets irritated with the two of them.  
He doesn't understand how one person could possibly go so long without realizing the other's obvious flirting, and vice versa. Sasha and Connie agree, but it entertains them to just watch the two boys get flustered whenever they're accused of being a couple. This happens a lot, but it doesn't stop Eren from scowling each time.  
"It's obnoxious!" He complains to Sasha.  
"It's cute." She responds.  
Eren groans and leaves the room to sulk on the couch. This is, after all, where he spends most of his time outside of school.  
Marco doesn't understand Eren's anger when they all hang out.  
Jean understands it all too well. And he makes sure Eren knows it too, throwing threats at him left and right whenever he says anything suggestive. This goes as well for Connie and Sasha, but by now Marco thinks they're just weird. It's been a year, after all, since Jean introduced them. Marco thinks he knows Jean's friends pretty well.  
And he knows that there's something going on he's not being told about.  
He doesn't say anything, but when they argue it's a little painful for him to watch. He wants to know the inside joke. He wants to be part of the group. He wants to be even closer to Jean.  
He fails to realize Jean is doing almost everything he can to make the possibility of them becoming more than friends a reality.


	4. Fantasy

Marco always ends up fantasizing about Jean at the worst possible moments.  
He doesn’t limit himself to sex. No, he imagines everything. He thinks about what their first kiss will be like, their first movie date, and Jean’s arms around his waist, holding hands in the park, celebrating their first anniversary…  
Yeah, he’s got it bad.   
And after snapping out of it, he always turns to see the gorgeous asshole himself. Jean will grin and tease Marco about his flushed face. Sometimes he will ask if he was daydreaming about some girl. Throw in a wink or two. Marco will grin lazily and shove him away, and he’ll miss the flash of disappointment on Jean’s face. To him, that shove was a confirmation. He doesn’t want to think about who Marco has an eye on. And Marco thinks that by Jean assuming he’s heterosexual, he must be straight as well.  
Christa listens to Marco’s complaints and Sasha listens to Jean’s.  
Both girls try to help the best they can, but they can’t believe how blind their friends really are.


	5. Thoughts

It was honestly starting to get ridiculous.

Maybe his friendship with Jean is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to Marco’s budding crush. He knew that if he could ask Jean advice about it, he’d probably say something along the lines of “You’re like a middle school girl, and that's fucking hilarious.” He’d probably start cackling too, not bothering to think about whether Marco was really bothered by his crush, just like the little inconsiderate shit he is. Ah, but that’s _Marco’s_ little inconsiderate shit, which brings him to his first point:

 

1) He’s already close to Jean.

He can hug him, rest his head on his shoulders, even cuddle if Jean’s feeling especially tired. Everybody knows that they are best friends, so nobody questions it. Even Jean. It’s like they're actually dating… except for the part where they’re not dating at all.

2) Having a crush is fun.

Maybe it’s not if you don’t know the person well, but being able to think about them and feel that little fluttering feeling in your chest whenever they touch you isn’t so bad. It’s something to pass the time during class. It’s something to look forward to when you guys meet up. But most of all the feeling of wanting someone is unexplainably nice. But then there’s the things that make you want to scream.

1) There’s pretty much no chance of them getting together.

Again, nobody suspects that Marco has a crush of Jean (so he thinks), which includes the man himself. As much as Marco flirts with him, he takes it as a friendship thing. In fact, everything is a friendship thing. The relationship they have has already been established. They’re friends, best friends but friends nethertheless. Any suggestive comments or winks are just funny and platonic.

2) It’s painful sometimes.

The smell of him, the shadows cast over his face from his eyelids, his deep voice and _that slight french accent_ … they make Marco go crazy. Each thing that makes Jean special pulls at Marco’s chest until he wants to cry because those things will never be completely his, as deep as their friendship goes.

Maroc doesn’t know if he likes having a crush or not, but he’d certainly prefer going without it if he had the choice.


	6. Situation

Jean has no idea how they ended up like this, but there they were, Marco's arms wrapped around his waist tight and the blankets draped over them like a warm prison. Before flipping out, he took a moment to figure out the situation. They were cuddling. He didn't remember what happened last night. Their clothes were on. There's a lot of stupid things Jean could have done in clothes. Marco obviously consented, with this hug he's giving him. He might just be a natural cuddler. Jean isn't so much of an asshole that he would do anything to Marco without consent...

_He was drunk._

Jean got completely intoxicated before the evening prior to this entire situation. He didn't know what kind of drunk he was, and with a scene like this so early in the morning he was a little bit scared to find out. But he had to, for Marco's sake as well as his. Jean was known for doing stupid things when he had a crush, and not being completely in control of his body didn't seem like it would help. 

He closed his eyes and tried to appreciate this feeling while he still could. This would, after all, hopefully, be a one time event. Who could blame him for soaking it up as much as he could? A few months ago he might've been sad about the chances of him ever actually being with the boy wrapped around him, but by then he'd accepted this. Almost. He wasn't quite sure if he'll ever be 100% okay with it all. 

Marco stirred and Jean almost jumped a full meter in the air if the other boy wasn't practically pining him down. Marc nuzzled his head into Jeans back with a sigh.

"Marco?" Jean mumbled, his voice still croaky with sleep.

"Yeah." Marco's voice was soft and comforting. Jean let himself relax, "Did you sleep well."

"Uh, yeah." 

Marco yawned and pulled his arms back. Jean took this as an opportunity to turn and face his friend, who was smiling sleepily. 

"Do you, um, do you know what I did last night? I was really drunk, you see, so if I did anything bad or uncomfortable I'm sorry, and I promise-"

"No."

Marco's words cut through his like glass from a moment that was shattered. 

"What?"

"No, you didn't do anything. I mean, the heater in my apartment broke so you asked me to come over. We had a few drinks, and that was that."

"Oh," Jean let out a groan, "Good, good. I just- I don't really drink, and I don't know who I am drunk but thats... that's good. Right?"

"Right." 

And when Marco announced that he was getting up to make breakfast, he threw Jean a sad smile over his shoulder, because this, in fact, was not all good. Everything wasn't good. Not anymore. He couldn't even let himself fantasize anymore without feeling guilty about it. 

But he left Jean to wake up (did he not have a hangover?) and ran directly to the kitchen, biting his tongue in an effort not to cry.


	7. Implusive

Marco really hates how impulsive he can get.

He was supposed to forget about kissing Jean. It was an accident, of course, so why would it matter to him or not? He wasn’t attracted to Jean. He couldn’t be, because Jean could never love him and that was that, a simple fact that Marco should have come to terms with.

But then came Jean, asking him if he had ever kissed someone before, which reminded Marco about the _really hot make out session_ that happened just a few days prior- He ended up telling Jean he hadn’t.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget how quickly Jean’s entire face lit up.

“I have. You know what that means.”

Marco liked seeing Jean so excited about something, but the implication of that statement was lost to him. He laughed nervously and asked Jean what it meant.

“I need to teach you how to kiss before you disappoint some poor girl.”

Marco knew he should have said no, hell to this day he still regrets everything that happened that day. But he’s impulsive.

And god, did kissing Jean feel like heaven.

He didn't even bother to wonder if what Jean suggested made sense.


	8. Good

Jean hates himself for lying Marco like this, but could you blame him?  
Yes, he supposes you could. A good person would tell Marco how he really feels. A good person wouldn’t try to convince his best friend to kiss him just because of a stupid crush. A good person would respect Marco’s feelings, whatever they were, and wouldn’t be selfish if they weren’t what he wanted.   
But Jean has never seen himself as a good person, so why should he let everything bother him as much as he does? He doesn’t know what else to do besides push these thoughts to the back of his mind. Denial, as usual, is his preferred mode of coping.  
He’s a coward, but at least he won’t get hurt this way.


End file.
